Ryan Lochte: Is he actually a college student?

Ross VRP

Now hear us out. We know that Ryan Lochte is not in college. He is 27! Har har ha ha. However, for a 27-year-old man (and an American hero) he exhibits quite a bit of college-age behavior, leading the editors at HuffPost College to believe that he could actually be a college student if we squint hard enough.

Thus, we present to you (in slideshow form) a chain of evidence proving the fact that Ryan Lochte is – in pseudo fact – in college. This is a pretty intellectual endeavor, so we hope you aren’t flummoxed.

Lives In Communal Housing Where 75% Of Occupants Are Having Sex With One Another

An amazing report on the Olympic village:  “There’s a lot of sex going on,” says women’s soccer goalkeeper Hope Solo, a gold medalist in 2008. How much sex? “I’d say it’s 70 percent to 75 percent of Olympians,” offers world-record-holding swimmer Ryan Lochte, who will be in London for his third Games. “Hey, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.”

Describes Having Girlfriend During Beijing Olympics As “Big Mistake”

“My last Olympics (in Beijing), I had a girlfriend — big mistake. Now I’m single, so London should be really good. I’m excited.” — Ryan Lochte, also any single college sophomore on the planet reflecting on his/her freshman year and hoping for renewal in the future. Hope springs eternal! 

He’s ‘Over” The College Dating Scene

“I’m over the whole college scene,” Lochte told the New York Times. Paradoxically, however, this is what all students actually in college say. Fun fact: Lochte graduated the University of Florida in 2007 but lives in his college town to this day!

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