Advice for the New Dating Game

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1879191,00.html

Some of them are respected scientists. Some of them are psychologists. At least one of them is a briefly married former TV-morning-show host. A surprising number of them are stand-up comedians. And they all want to give you dating advice. If you’re single and don’t wish to be, have they got a TV show/book/scientific theory for you! As if you haven’t suffered enough.

According to the most recent census figures, about 84 million Americans ages 20 to 75 are unmarried or separated. Even if only half of them want to find a spouse, that’s a nice fat target for the media to aim at in a market where such uniformity of desire is rare. So while dating and mating instructions are probably as old as Australopithecus (Tip 1: “Stand up straighter”), right now the advice-o-meter is running hot. When a coupling manual turned movie–He’s Just Not That Into You–is a box-office hit, something’s up.

How bad is the dating scene? Bad enough that a production company believes it can find four adults willing to have spouses chosen for them by their friends and family, marry them and allow their subsequent domestic life to be broadcast on CBS. (Because what could possibly go wrong in your first year of wedlock to a stranger?) Other lonely hearts have already submitted to having their mate-finding woes aired on cable. Yes, there have been dating shows before, but none quite so DIY as three offered by FLN, the network formerly known for fancy cooking and curtain-choosing. Wingman, in which comedian Michael Somerville acts as a dating sidekick, premiered Feb. 10. How to Find a Husband, a British import, arrives in April. The network is also developing Love Taxi, in which a cab driver plays matchmaker. Dating, camera, New York City taxi–the discomfort trifecta.

Oddly enough, Wingman’s Somerville is not the nation’s premier comedian turned love guru. That would be Steve Harvey, whose Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man is the best-selling nonfiction book in the nation, according to the Wall Street Journal. Harvey’s advice is old-fashioned and frank: Women are single because they have lowered their expectations of men and because they have not understood the three things men need–support, loyalty and “the Cookie,” the author’s euphemism for … oh, you know what it’s for. “I told the publishers I could have said everything I had to say in about 35 pages,” the twice-divorced Harvey notes. “Because we’re guys. We’re that simple.”

Teenagers Get Sex Education Via Cellphone

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/03/fashion/03sexed.html

THE special cellphone, set on vibrate, begins to whir. Throughout North Carolina, anonymous teenagers are texting questions to it about sex.

“If you take a shower before you have sex, are you less likely to get pregnant?” asks one.

Another: “Does a normal penis have wrinkles?”

A young girl types: “If my BF doesn’t like me to be loud during sex but I can’t help it, what am I supposed to do?”

Within 24 hours, each will receive a cautious, nonjudgmental reply, texted directly to their cellphones, from a nameless, faceless adult at the Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention Campaign of North Carolina, based in Durham.

There goes the phone again.

“Why do guys think it’s cool to sleep with a girl and tell their friends?”

James Martin, the staff member who has text-line duty this week, is 31, married and the father of a toddling son. He hesitates. How to offer comfort, clarity and hope in just a few sentences? He texts back. “Mostly it’s because they believe that having sex makes them cool,” he types, adding, “Most guys outgrow that phase.”

How to talk to your kids about sex

When your child asks where babies come from, do you break a sweat and blame it on the stork? Have you had a conversation about oral sex, masturbation or contraception with your teen? If you haven’t started “the talk” with your child, sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman says you could be making a big mistake.

Dr. Berman says kids today know a lot more about sex than we think they do. In fact, Berman says children are being forced to make sexual decisions by middle school, from receiving sexually explicit text messages — also called “sexting” — to feeling pressured to perform acts like oral sex.

What you need to do as a parent, Berman says, is arm them with knowledge that will guide them well into adulthood. “You want to start these conversations early with your kids — before they find themselves in the circumstances where they’re having to make those healthy sexual decisions.”

O, The Oprah Magazine and Seventeen magazine joined forces for a groundbreaking new sex study that surveys moms and girls ages 15 to 22. The bottom line? Parents aren’t talking to their kids enough about sex.

“What is so fascinating to me is 90 percent of the mothers, our readers, thought that they had had the conversation with their daughters about sex,” says Gayle King, O magazine’s editor-at-large.

“When you talk to the daughters, you’ll find out, well, no, you didn’t really quite have the conversation.”

Although some mothers shy away from the conversation because they don’t want to seem like they’re condoning sex, King says you have to arm your daughters with as much information as you can. “Knowledge is power,” she says.

MTV Is Looking Beyond ‘Jersey Shore’ to Build a Wider Audience

By BRIAN STELTER
Published: October 24, 2010
The second-season finale of “Jersey Shore” last week was one of the highest-rated hours all year on MTV. There was, perhaps, no better time to promote another boozy, in-your-face unscripted show.
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MTV

A scene from the finale of the second season of “Jersey Shore,” the hit show that has helped increase MTV’s viewing audience.

Instead, in every commercial break, MTV promoted “Skins,” a remake of a scripted British series about the sexually charged trials of teenage life that is scheduled to make its debut in January.

“We were using one of our biggest moments of the year to loudly shout about a very different kind of show,” said Stephen K. Friedman, MTV’s general manager.

MTV is enjoying a renaissance. Written off as irrelevant just a few years ago, the channel was resuscitated this year by the rambunctious cast of “Jersey Shore” and the young parents on “Teen Mom.”

Lest it rely too heavily on those shows, MTV is rapidly diversifying its slate of programs, “Skins” being one example.

“We’re in a constant state of reinvention,” said Van Toffler, the president of MTV Networks Music/Film/Logo Group.

Mr. Toffler is fond of saying that MTV executives have to “embrace the chaos,” especially because MTV has a fickle young audience.

Advertisers and analysts have taken note of the revival. Benjamin Swinburne, a media analyst for Morgan Stanley, said “there’s no question that ‘Jersey Shore’ has been the catalyst” for ratings gains at MTV.

“But they’ve been able to build off that by taking some intelligent risks,” he added.

Investors expect advertising growth to accelerate in the next two quarters at MTV and its parent, MTV Networks, which is owned by Viacom.

Cast members like Nicole Polizzi, better known as Snooki, from “Jersey Shore” get some of the credit, but the rebound is also a result of rethinking the channel’s programs for the millennial generation, as those born in the 1980s and ’90s are sometimes called.

It is happening at a time of wholesale revamping within MTV. A year ago, Tony DiSanto, president of programming, approached Mr. Toffler about wanting to set up his own production company. Mr. Toffler asked him to stay on while MTV strengthened its programming leadership. That is what the last year has been about, as a half-dozen new executives have been hired away from Warner Brothers, E! and elsewhere. Mr. DiSanto will leave at the end of the year.

Under the new guard, flashy reality shows are out — “The Hills,” once a flagship franchise for MTV, wrapped up last summer — and a new buzzword, “authenticity,” is in. It is shorthand for a new “filter” for MTV’s programming decisions.

Until this year, MTV had been shedding viewers for the better part of a decade, falling to an average of 481,000 at any given time in 2009 from an average of 636,000 in 2005. MTV, which the MTV Networks chief executive, Judy McGrath, has said should be the “forever young network,” had clung to Generation X a little too long, some believed, at the expense of the millennials.

Compounding the problem, there was a perception that MTV was flailing online, where its audience was spending more and more time.

“We were the company that didn’t get MySpace,” said Ms. McGrath, referring to Viacom’s failed bid for the social networking site. News Corporation acquired MySpace, instead, and the site has since withered. “I don’t think about that anymore,” she said in an interview last week.

MTV’s music Web sites now have more than 60 million unique monthly visitors.

Mr. Friedman, the former head of MTV’s college channel mtvU, was put in charge of MTV in 2008, after Christina Norman departed to take over Oprah Winfrey’s forthcoming cable channel. He said he sensed that “reality was starting to feel really unreal to our audience,” citing the show “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF.” No one believed Ms. Hilton would actually find her new best friend through a reality show.

At the same time, the actual reality shows on MTV — unglamorous stalwarts like “Made” and “True Life” — were picking up new viewers.

“They were inspirational, authentic stories,” Mr. Toffler said. The channel saw a way forward, and most of its new reality shows, like “The Buried Life,” “World of Jenks” and “If You Really Knew Me,” share that DNA.

As a result of MTV’s research about the millennial generation, Mr. Toffler and Mr. Friedman said they had come away thinking that teenagers and twentysomethings nowadays were less rebellious than those in the past. They are not rebelling against their parents so much as they are watching TV with their parents.

These insights have informed the development of new shows, including “Jersey Shore,” which was first conceived as a reality competition show for MTV’s slightly older-skewing sibling, VH1. Mr. Toffler decided to redevelop it for MTV, and what changed says a lot about the channel today.

“As opposed to making it a competition, we accentuated the fact that they come around and support each other — yes, they fight with each other, but they are a family,” Mr. Toffler said. “You even see their parents come in and cook pasta for the house.”

Mr. Friedman added: “Four years ago, you never would have seen that on MTV. Parents were absent!”

Now parenting is the main topic of “Teen Mom,” which is second to “Jersey Shore” in popularity. “Teen Mom,” which features four young mothers, is a spinoff of “16 and Pregnant,” which started in mid-2009 and stunned MTV executives with high ratings out of the gate. Its second-season finale this month attracted an average of 5.5 million viewers, while the finale of “Jersey Shore” averaged 6.1 million.

This year, MTV is averaging 558,000 viewers at any given time, up 16 percent from last year.

MTV is restarting “16 and Pregnant” with new cast members this month, and it is bringing back “Jersey Shore” for a third season in January. Several “Shore” spinoffs featuring individual cast members are also under consideration.

But MTV’s programmers know they cannot rely too heavily on these two hits. “You have to plan for all of these franchises’ obsolescence,” Mr. Toffler said, “and we are.”

The channel recently gave up on production of “Bridge and Tunnel,” a reality show about young people who live on Staten Island. Asked by a reporter if it was simply “Jersey Shore” on Staten Island, Mr. Toffler said, “That’s probably exactly why we didn’t want to do it.”

That comes back to diversification. Still trying to come up with a viable successor to the music video countdown show “TRL,” MTV this month started a pop culture newscast on weekday afternoons called “The Seven.” A scripted show, “The Hard Times of RJ Berger,” started last summer, and four more scripted shows will come online next year, including “Skins” and “Teen Wolf.” “Beavis and Butt-Head” is coming back, too, thanks to a newly reformed animation unit.

“The times when our network has been one-note,” Ms. McGrath said, “have never been as good as the times when we were diverse.”

New project from Dan Savage: It Gets Better

http://feministing.com/2010/09/24/new-project-from-dan-savage-it-gets-better/

Dan Savage (the man behind the Savage Love sex advice column and podcast) has started a new project, called It Gets Better. It was inspired by the suicide of gay teenager Billy Lucas, after he experienced much bullying.

About the project:

If you’re gay or lesbian or bi or trans, and you’ve ever read about a kid like Billy Lucas and thought, “Fuck, I wish I could’ve told him that it gets better,” this is your chance. We can’t help Billy, but there are lots of other Billys out there—other despairing LGBT kids who are being bullied and harassed, kids who don’t think they have a future—and we can help them….

13-Year-Old Asher Brown Was Bullied to Death for Being Gay

http://blogs.babble.com/strollerderby/2010/09/28/asher-brown/

Bullying is an omnipresent and seemingly ever-growing problem in schools these days, so much so that CNN has an upcoming special about it beginning Monday. Bullying at any level is uncalled for and unacceptable, but is horrifying when a child is literally “bullied to death,” as in the case of Phoebe Prince and now 13-year-old Asher Brown, who was ridiculed by his classmates for “for being small. For his religious beliefs. For the way he dressed. And for being gay.”

Tell gay teens: It gets better

http://www.suntimes.com/news/commentary/2741188,CST-EDT-edit24b.article

It happened again two weeks ago in Greensburg, Ind. A 15-year-old boy, Billy Lucas, killed himself because he could no longer bear the bullying.

For years, other students, suspecting he was homosexual, had called him “fag,” mocked the way he walked and talked and told him he should kill himself. On Sept. 9, he hanged himself in his family’s barn.

When Dan Savage, author of “Savage Love,” the syndicated sex column in the Chicago Reader, read about Billy, he had one thought: “I wish I could have told Billy that it gets better.”

That is exactly right — it does gets better. To be gay in America, if in fact Billy was gay, need not be the hell it once was.

But how do we get that message out where it matters most? There is no openly gay community in the average small town.

Savage’s response, to which we’d like to call attention today, was to launch the “It Gets Better Project” via YouTube, to reach out to tormented young gay people. The project consists of testimonials from adult gay men and women that, yep, high school is not the end of the world and, count on it, life does get better. You are not alone.

Showing Gay Teenagers a Happy Future

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/09/22/showing-gay-teens-a-happy-future/

A new online video channel is reaching out to teenagers who are bullied at school for being gay. The message: life really does get better after high school.

The YouTube channel, called the “It Gets Better Project,” was created by the Seattle advice columnist and activist Dan Savage. Mr. Savage says he was moved by the suicide of Billy Lucas, a Greensburg, Ind., high school student who was the target of slurs and bullying. The channel promises to be a collection of videos from adults in the gay community who share their own stories of surviving school bullying and moving on to build successful careers and happy home lives. The first video shows Mr. Savage with his partner of 16 years, Terry. The men tell their own stories of being bullied, finding each other and becoming parents. This week I spoke with Mr. Savage about the new channel and why he decided to reach out to teenagers. Here’s our conversation.

‘It Gets Better’: Wisdom From Grown-Up Gays and Lesbians to Bullied Kids

‘It Gets Better’: Wisdom From Grown-Up Gays and Lesbians to Bullied Kids

“Bullycide” is a colloquialism referring to suicide that results from intense bullying — think Megan Meier and Phoebe Price and Jaheem Herera, 11, a Georgia boy who hanged himself in 2009 after being tormented by classmates for being “gay and a snitch.”
The link between bullying and suicide in teens has been on the forefront of media coverage for several years now, and it is children like Jaheem — who are gay or are perceived to be gay — that are most at risk. According to a study from Penn State University, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and “queer” youth (a catch-all term for gender and sexually non-normative people) are four times more likely to attempt suicide than their straight peers. Of all American teens who die by their own hand, 30% are LGBTQ.

Political Sex Scandal Inspires Play

http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/northern-ireland/iris-robinson-sex-scandal-inspires-play-14953246.html

A controversial new play inspired by a sex scandal surrounding the shamed MP wife of Northern Ireland’s First Minister Peter Robinson is set to open in Belfast.
Disgraced Iris Robinson, who sat in the Northern Ireland Assembly and the House of Commons, quit politics after the shock revelation earlier this year that she had had an affair with a teenager 41 years her junior.